#

1

Will Anybody Ever Love Me?

Sufjan Stevens

Liner Notes:

If you're a "Favorites" veteran, you'll know that Sufjan frequents the playlists and may very well be the "Favorites GOAT".

Excluding other genres, I just don't know if there is another (present-day) musician out there within the alt-indie space that has the compositional and lyrical talent, depth, and prolificacy than Sufjan — who also, along with both daughters Grace and Emily, happens to be a Hope College graduate.

One of the background vocalists said this about working with Sufjan on his 2023 release, Javelin:

"Being in the studio with Sufjan is like watching an alchemist at work. He creates a new realm, building our voices from a gentle choir, then morphing us into sirens raging from the sea."

Consider this an introspective continuation to Carrie and Lowell. While the latter intricately unpacked the death and relationship of his mother, Javelin is largely a tribute to his 14-year relationship with late partner, Evans Richardson.

But mourning another relationship has not been the only thing on Sufjan's mind. Just before the album's release, media and devoted fans alike were shocked by the news that Sufjan has been diagnosed with Guillain-Barré syndrome, a neurological disorder where the body's immune system attacks a portion of the peripheral nervous system. Specifically, Sufjan is having to learn to walk again — not to mention rehabbing particular movements/muscles for playing instruments. (The progress is undetermined and ongoing.)

Historically, Sufjan has managed to keep his personal life, relationships, and sexuality quite private. So, when Sufjan announced the news regarding his health and the album's subject-matter, it provided quite the context for this album.

In short, it's therapy (for all of us).

This particular track, "Will Anybody Ever Love Me?" is appropriately rooted around the question itself — a question that could easily be brushed aside with an automated response. My hope is that we can refrain from this response for the next few minutes and simply ask the question.

This is the beginning of Chapter II.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Tie me to the final wooden stake
Burn my body, celebrate the afterglow
Wash away the summer sins I made
Watch me drift and watch me struggle, let me go
'Cause I really wanna know

Will anybody ever love me? (Love me)
For good reasons, without grievance
Not for sport (not for sport)

All lyrics:

Chase away my heart and heartache
Run me over, throw me over, cast me out
Find a river running to the west wind
Just above the shoreline, you will see a cloud

Tie me to a tiny wooden raft
Burn my body, point me to the undertow
Push me off into the void at last
Watch me drift and watch me struggle, let me go
'Cause I really wanna know

Will anybody ever love me? (Love me)
For good reasons, without grievance
Not for sport

Will anybody ever love me? (Love me)
In every season pledge allegiance to my heart
Pledge allegiance to my burning heart

Hello wildness, please forgive me now
For the heartache and the misery I create
Take my suffering as I take my vow
Wash me now, anoint me with that golden blade

Tie me to the final wooden stake
Burn my body, celebrate the afterglow
Wash away the summer sins I made
Watch me drift and watch me struggle, let me go
'Cause I really wanna know

Will anybody ever love me? (Love me)
For good reasons, without grievance
Not for sport (not for sport)

Will anybody ever love me? (Love me)
In every season pledge allegiance
To my heart (to my heart)
In every season pledge allegiance
To my heart (to my heart)

My burning heart
My burning heart
My burning heart

Will anybody ever love me? (Love me)
My burning heart
Will anybody ever love me? (Love me)
My burning heart
Will anybody ever love me? (Love me)
My burning heart

#

2

Kill Bill

SZA

Liner Notes:

This is going to feel like we took a sharp turn here.

But did we?

Relationships are hard. They come with the full spectrum of volatile and irrational emotions.

And they require a bit of maturity... of therapy... SZA gets it.

Also, Kill Bill is on my all-time-favorites film list, so win/win.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

I'm so mature, I'm so mature
I'm so mature, I got me a therapist to tell me there's other men
I don't want none, I just want you
If I can't have you, no one should

All lyrics:

I'm still a fan even though I was salty
Hate to see you with some other broad, know you happy
Hate to see you happy if I'm not the one driving

I'm so mature, I'm so mature
I'm so mature, I got me a therapist to tell me there's other men
I don't want none, I just want you
If I can't have you, no one should
I might

I might kill my ex, not the best idea
His new girlfriend's next, how'd I get here?
I might kill my ex, I still love him though
Rather be in jail than alone

I get the sense that it's a lost cause
I get the sense that you might really love her
The text gon' be evidence, this text is evidence
I tried to ration with you, no murders or crimes of passion, but damn

You was out of reach
You was at the farmer's market with your perfect peach
Now I'm in the basement, planning home invasion
Now you laying face-down, got me singing over a beat

I'm so mature, I'm so mature
I'm so mature, I got me a therapist to tell me there's other men
I don't want none, I just want you
If I can't have you, no one will
(I might)

I might kill my ex, not the best idea
His new girlfriend's next, how'd I get here?
I might kill my ex, I still love him though
Rather be in jail than alone

I did it all for love (love)
I did it all on no drugs (drugs)
I did all of this sober
I did it all for us, oh

I did it all for love (love)
I did it all of this on no drugs (drugs)
I did all of this sober
Don't you know I did it all for us? (I'll kill your ass tonight)

Uh, I just killed my ex (my ex)
Not the best idea (idea)
Killed his girlfriend next, how'd I get here?
I just killed my ex (my ex)
I still love him, though (I do)
Rather be in Hell than alone

#

3

vampire

Olivia Rodrigo

Liner Notes:

My guess is that given a little time, this one will find its way into the "break-up" canon.

There are a few vampire references throughout this chapter. Rumor is that vampires got a new publicists this year.

As Def Leopard once said... "Love Bites".

Ouch.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

I used to think I was smart
But you made me look so naive
The way you sold me for parts
As you sunk your teeth into me, oh
Bloodsucker, famefucker
Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

All lyrics:

Hate to give the satisfaction, asking how you're doing now
How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about?
Just what you wanted
Look at you, cool guy, you got it

I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes
Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise
I loved you truly
Gotta laugh at the stupidity

'Cause I've made some real big mistakes
But you make the worst one look fine
I should've known it was strange
You only come out at night
I used to think I was smart
But you made me look so naive
The way you sold me for parts
As you sunk your teeth into me, oh
Bloodsucker, famefucker
Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

And every girl I ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news
You called them crazy, God, I hate the way I called them crazy too
You're so convincing
How do you lie without flinching? (How do you lie, how do you lie, how do you lie?)

Ooh, what a mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked-up little thrill
Can't figure out just how you do it, and God knows I never will
Went for me, and not her
'Cause girls your age know better

I've made some real big mistakes
But you make the worst one look fine
I should've known it was strange
You only come out at night
I used to think I was smart
But you've made me look so naive
The way you sold me for parts
As you sunk your teeth into me, oh
Bloodsucker, famefucker
Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard?
You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart
I tried you help you out, now I know that I can't
'Cause how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand

I've made some real big mistakes
But you make the worst one look fine
I should've known it was strange
You only come out at night
I used to think I was smart
But you made me look so naive
The way you sold me for parts
As you sunk your teeth into me, oh
Bloodsucker, famefucker
Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

#

4

namesake

Noname

Liner Notes:

Noname is my favorite female rap artist.

With next-level word play, subtle shade, and level-setting awareness, Noname's brilliance comes though (seemingly) effortlessly here with her namesake.

This one is about independence while carrying a bit of "hurt" underneath it... the "Well, fine... I don't need you!" control move we make when feeling abandoned/hurt.

Been there. Guessing you have too.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Noname, where she came?
We could stand in the rain
Maintain a good life, we could fry plantain
Same day the airstrikes strike down Iran
I ran into the house with a blunt in my hand, let's smoke
I don't wanna see death no more, let's fight
They got the devil hiding in plain sight
That's you, that's me, the whole world is culpable
Why complacency float the boat the most?

All lyrics:

Itty bitty titty committee
The world with me, your girl with me
And I don't even really like pussy
That's the homie
Tony Island call Poseidon
Cry me a river, you could cry me a metaphor
A megaphone, screaming out
Dream about revolution, air pollution
Same solution, socialism
They ain't really fucking with my niggas though

Off the grid, we just love the community garden
Off the grid, you could be a martian 'round here
Settle down here, we could love, love
Drive up to the motherland and learn about what was
And if the world don't budge, then eat me out, sweetie
I wanna smile tonight, I only got one lap around the sun
And he going down tonight, yeah, yeah
So maybe I'm going down too
Yeah, maybe I'm going down too

Yo, I never need no man
I got a little bit of love and a couple of friends
Picture me rolling up the bud in the south of Sudan
Yo, I never need no, no, no

All that eat the rich, tax the rich, y'all ain't really about that shit
Bitch, if you want some money, you can say that
You deserve the payback 'cause niggas took everything
Let's go get that and take it to the hood though
Share it with community, we soldiers in plain clothes

Everybody got their role, don't be an opp
Everybody got their roles, I'm a play mine
Like Scooby-Doo in a haunted house
I see the ghost that they talking 'bout, I see the signs
Read in between the line at the crime scene
I ain't fucking with the NFL or Jay-Z
Propaganda for the military complex
The same gun that shot Lil Terry
Out west the same gun that shot some Samir in the West Bank
We all think the Super Bowl's the best thing

Go, Rihanna, go
Watch the fighter jet fly high
War machine gets glamorized
We play the game to pass the time
Go, Beyoncé, go
Watch the fighter jet fly high
War machine gets glamorized
We play the game to pass the time

Go, Kendrick, go
Watch the fighter jet fly high
War machine gets glamorized
We play the game to pass the time
Go, Noname, go
Coachella stage got sanitized
I said I wouldn't perform for them
And somehow I still fell in line

Fuck, I never need no name
I got a little bit of love and a memory lane
Picture me rolling up the bud, I don't play them games
Yo, I never need no, no, no
Uh, I never need no name
I got a little bit of love and a memory lane
Picture me rolling up the bud, I don't play them games
Yo, I never need no, no, no

#

5

Making The Band (Danity Kane)

Earl Sweatshirt

Liner Notes:

Earl Sweatshirt is recognized as somewhat of a rap prodigy — having released his first track in the 7th grade and then having his first official release at the age of 16, thanks to Tyler the Creator (who produced his first album Earl). Earl Sweatshirt (who's real name is Thebe) is significantly influenced by his parents — who are both scholars in their own right. His mother teaches "Critical Race Theory" at UCLA and his father, Keorapetse Kgositsile, was a renowned South African poet and political activist.

His lexicon is subsequently quite deep. School is in session.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

What is the plan, fuck is you sayin'?
Lil' momma off Danity Kane
Been geeked up, how many days? Yeah
What is the plan, fuck is you sayin'?
How many bands I'm finna make?

All lyrics:

What is the plan, fuck is you sayin'?
Lil' momma off Danity Kane
Been geeked up, how many days? Yeah
What is the plan, fuck is you sayin'?
How many bands I'm finna make?
Feel like Diddy standin' in a bank
I feel like Diddy dancin' in the rain
You yappin', I'ma go in your face
Bruce Banner, how I handle the rage
(you wouldn't like me when I'm angry) yeah
Loose cannon, enemy of the state
Gene Hackman, we gettin' away
Two hammers, how we get in the safe, uh
Do damage in a critical way
Boof packin', we ship it away
You mad, got 'em feelin' the wave, yeah
Too bad, hunnid dollar eighths
If I don't got the time or the space
sixteen-passenger plane, uh
Sistine Chapel, I pray
Fish cheeks snap on a bait
Chipped teeth, snack on the prey, uh
Stampede crackin' the gates
Blow money fast just like a game
Go through the cash like it's a phase, uh

What is the plan, fuck is you sayin'?
Lil' momma off Danity Kane
Been geeked up, how many days? Yeah
What is the plan, fuck is you sayin'?
How many bands I'm finna make?
Feel like Diddy standin' in a bank
I feel like Diddy dancin' in the rain
You yappin', I'ma go in your face
Bruce Banner, how I handle the rage
(you wouldn't like me when I'm angry)
Loose cannon, enemy of the state
Gene Hackman, we gettin' away
Two hammers, how we get in the safe
Do damage in a critical way
Boof packin', we ship it away
You mad, got 'em feelin' the wave
Too bad, hunnid dollar eighths
If I don't got the time or the space
sixteen-passenger plane
Sistine Chapel, I pray
Fish cheeks snap on a bait
Chipped teeth, snack on the prey
Stampede crackin' the gates
Blow money fast just like a game
Go through the cash like it's a phase

#

6

TIL FURTHER NOTICE (feat. James Blake & 21 Savage)

Travis Scott

Liner Notes:

An unlikely collab that I couldn't resist. James Blake has appeared a few times on the favorites, but this is Travis Scott's debut (alongside 21 Savage).

I have Phineas to thank for keeping me rooted in the hip-hop scene — much of which is reflected throughout this collection.

The questions here are self evident, and persistent.

And familiar.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Where will you go now?
Now that you're done with me
Where will you go now?
Now that you're done with me

All lyrics:

Where will you go now?
Now that you're done with me
Where will you go now?
Now that you're done with me
I don't blame you
You should be done with me
I don't blame you
You should be done with me

Why won't you even talk about it?
Or even hear about it?
Or even feel about it? (Metro)
Like the covers come off in the eve
We don't have to lie
We don't have to lie right here
And it's alright
I should've waited somehow
I shouldn't have pushed so hard
I always push too hard
And now it's just a blackout
And now it's just a blackout
(Somehow)

My mama always told me, "Put yourself first"
I don't really fall in love with women, man, 'cause love hurt
I hit a couple broads, I can't lie, I put my dick first
Now you runnin' 'round playin' payback and that shit hurt

I should've treated you better (21)
Used to deal with lames 'til she ran into a stepper (on God)
Big dawg Savage, I'm a Zone 6 repper (21)
Niggas throwin' salt, but the Draco came with pepper (straight up)
She say we ain't goin' nowhere 'cause all I do is sext her (on God)

Woah, never knew that I had to propose, no (21)
I was fine with you bein' one of my hoes, for sure (on God)
She said she seen us bein' somebody goals, what are those? (21)
I thought about givin' you the key to my heart, but it's froze

Where would you go now?
Now that you're done with me
Where would you go now?
Now that you're done with me
Where would you go now?
Now that you're done with me?
Where would you go now?
Now that you're done-
'Til further notice (ah-ah)
'Til further notice (ah-ah)
'Til further notice (we'll keep you posted)
'Til further notice (I'll keep you posted)

if energy makes energy
X-rated love, X-rated love
If energy makes energy, makes energy
X-rated love, X-rated love

You know the love was X-rated, it's how we made it
Drinkin' help balance the patience, watch how you take it
Can't keep no bitches, it's too dangerous, I been X-rated
Took everything up for the takin', I couldn't save it
See red and blues, I hit the pavement, got love, got vacant
She needed angles, I need angels, I'm fightin' Satan
Leave me faded, I feel painless, I go out gracious

I'm tryna feel a shade of greatness by celebratin'
Bring entertainment, goin' brainless, like goin' dumb on my hiatus
She fall more in love every time that I tip
I fade away every time that I-

Take a sip, I been goin' off the rip
I been bumpin' more Coldplay, the world cold as shit
I know one thing 'bout the old one, can't have more fun with it
Knew exactly how to roll one and how to tote a stick
Even if she at the shows, show she never let 'em hit
Always knew she always on one and I can bear with it
Yeah, I can bear with it

Where will you go now?
Now that you're done with me
Where will you go now?
Now that you're done with me
Where will you go now?
Now that you're done with me
Where will you go now?
Now that you're done-
'Til further notice
'Til further notice
'Til further notice (we'll keep you posted)
'Til further notice (I'll keep you posted)

‍

#

7

Younger & Dumber

Indigo De Souza

Liner Notes:

I'll admit. This is pushing the bounds of my pop-meter, but I had a deep appreciation for Indigo's struggle here.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Which way will I run when I want something new?
I don't feel at home in this house anymore
Which way will I run when I'm over you?

All lyrics:

When I was younger, younger and dumber
Built like a flower
You came to pick me from out of the city
You turned me sour

When I was younger, younger and prouder
I was nobody
You came to hurt me in all the right places
Made me somebody

Which way will I run when I want something new?
I don't feel at home in this house anymore
Which way will I run when I'm over you?
I don't feel at home in this town

Sometimes, I just don't wanna be alone
And it's not 'cause I'm lonely
It's just 'cause I get so tired of filling
The space all around me

And the love I feel is so powerful
It can take you anywhere
And the love I feel is so very real
It'll drag you down, oh, oh

Which way will I run when I want something new?
I don't feel at home in this house anymore
Which way will I run when I'm over you?
I don't feel at home in this town

When I was younger, younger and dumber
I didn't know better

#

8

A&W

Lana Del Rey

Liner Notes:

Co-written and co-produced alongside Jack Antonoff, this track is arguably Lana Del Ray's most progressive to-date. It's effectively two songs. Stay with it — if not just to hear the classic TR-808 that kicks in to help transitions us.

‍

FAVORITE LYRIC:

I'm a princess, I'm divisive
Ask me why, why, why I'm like this
Maybe I'm just kinda like this
I don't know, maybe I'm just like this

I say I live in Rosemead
Really, I'm at the Ramada
It doesn't really matter
Doesn't really, really matter

All lyrics:

I haven't done a cartwheel since I was nine
I haven't seen my mother in a long, long time
I mean, look at me, look at the length of my hair
My face, the shape of my body
Do you really think I give a damn what I do
After years of just hearing them talking?

I say I live in Rosemead
Really, I'm at the Ramada
It doesn't really matter
Doesn't really, really matter

Call him up, come into my bedroom
Ended up, we fuck on the hotel floor
It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore
This is the experience of bein' an American whore

Called up one drunk, called up another
Forensic Files wasn't on
Watching Teenage Diary of a Girl
Wondering what went wrong
I'm a princess, I'm divisive
Ask me why, why, why I'm like this
Maybe I'm just kinda like this
I don't know, maybe I'm just like this

I say I live in Rosemead
Really, I'm at the Ramada
It doesn't really matter
Doesn't really, really matter

Call him up, he comes over again
Yeah, I know I'm over my head, but, oh
It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore
No, this is the experience of bein' an American whore

I mean, look at my hair
Look at the length of it and the shape of my body
If I told you that I was raped
Do you really think that anybody would think I didn't ask for it?
I didn't ask for it
I won't testify, I already fucked up my story
On top of this, so many other things you can't believe
Did you know a singer can still be
Lookin' like a side piece at thirty-three?
God's a charlatan, don't look back, babe
Puts the shower on while he calls me
Slips out the back door to talk to me
I'm invisible, look how you hold me
I'm invisible, I'm invisible
I'm a ghost now, look how you hold me now

It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore (oh, okay)
No, this is the experience of bein' an American whore
It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore
No, this is the experience of bein' an American whore

This is the experience of bein' an American whore
This is the experience of bein' an American whore

Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff, Jimmy, Jimmy ride
Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff, Jimmy, get me high (oh, my God)
Love me, if you love enough, you can be my light
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Your mom called, I told her you're fucking up big time

Your mom called, I told her you're fucking up big time

Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff, Jimmy, Jimmy ride
Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff, Jimmy, get me high
Love me, if you love enough, you can be my light
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Your mom called, I told her, you're fucking up big time

Jimmy, you should switch it up, maybe light it up (yeah)
Jimmy, if you leave the house, find me in the club (like)
Jimmy, if you switch it up, you should light it up
Jimmy, if you leave the house, find me in the club (surf's up)
Your mom called, I told her you're fucking up big time
But I don't care, baby, I already lost my mind
If you light it up, find me in the club
Your mom called, I told her you're fucking up big time

Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff, Jimmy, Jimmy ride
Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff, Jimmy, get me high
Love me if you love enough, you can be my light
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high
Your mom called, I told her you're fucking up big time

‍

#

9

The Blue

Kelly Reed

Liner Notes:

The second of two tracks in this year's compilation. As referenced earlier, I co-produced this album alongside Kelly a couple of years ago.

"The Blue" stood out to me the moment Kelly sent me the demo. Much like the prior track does for Lana Del Ray, this song showcases Kelly's own musical progression — her ability to intricately compose and unleash sounds that practically force you to "feel".

Lyrically, this song (and album for that matter) was, in part, prompted by a news release Kelly came across about the tragic story of a Chicago woman that took her own life in 2016. But Kelly's up to more than just the retelling of a tragedy here. "The Blue" opens a window into a psychological state that, sadly, many have become familiar with (including myself) — feelings of being overwhelmed, exhausted and entrapped.

Here's to all the feels.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

I'm just trying to try.

All lyrics:

Father, my limbs are too tired
Are you tying them down?
Won't you swing from your porcelain cloud
Or allow me to drown?
City street prophet said I don't have much longer to cry
I'm on my balcony late at night,
Planning my final demise.

Ooooh, I'm just trying to try.
Ooooh, I'm just trying to try.
Ooooh, I'm just trying to try.
Ooooh, I'm just trying to try.
Ooooh, I'm just dying to die.
Ooooh, I'm just dying to die.

#

10

Vampire Empire

Big Thief

Liner Notes:

Had the opportunity to see Big Thief again this summer. This was a new track at the time.

Again, there seems to be a small, but memorable, "vampire" theme this year.

(shrug emoji)

FAVORITE LYRIC:

You turn me inside out, and then you want me outside in
You spin me all around, and then you ask me not to spin
You say you wanna be alone and you want children
You wanna be with me and you wanna be with him

All lyrics:

Watching TV tired, bleeding on the bed
The milk has just expired, all the leaves are dead
I'm not quiet, you've been quiet, just receiving what you said
Reeling, feeding, feeling, filled by everything you fed
I see you as you see yourself through all the books you read
Overwhelmed with guilt and realizing the disease

You give me chills, I've had it with the drills
I'm nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills
I am empty 'til she fills, alive until she kills
In her vampire empire, I am
Falling, yeah
Falling, yeah

I see you there, rejecting all your earthly power
Protecting and dissecting 'til you've emptied every hour
We jumped into the pond and then come under the shower
You lay upon my pillow and you open like a flower

I wanted to see you naked, I wanted to hear you scream
Wanted to kiss your skin and your everything
I wanted to be your woman, I wanted to be your man
I wanted to be the one that you could understand

You give me chills, I've had it with the drills
I'm nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills
I'm empty 'til she fills, alive until she kills
In her vampire empire, I am
Falling, yeah
Falling, yeah

Well, I walked into your dagger for the last time
It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow
Where you can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go
So I can't find surrender and I can't keep control

Falling, yeah
Falling, yeah
Falling, yeah
Falling, yeah

‍

#

11

Space Invader

The National

Liner Notes:

I would normally not even mention the context of "Space Invader" — presuming everyone is aware of the reference. But sometimes I forget that once owning an Atari 2600 with the Space Invader cartridge in the early 80s dates me quite a bit.

This song has all the traditional hallmarks of a great National song — nostalgic lyrics, a swelling ballad, meta-esque-reflections.

In particular, this one is asking the question we can't seem to escape... "What if?"

FAVORITE LYRIC:

What if I'd never written the letter
I slipped in the sleeve of the record I gave you?
What if I'd stayed on the C train to Lafayette
What if we'd never met?
What if I'd only just done what you told me
And never looked back?
What if I'd only ducked away down the hallway
And faded to black?

All lyrics:

It's a calculation I made a mistake on
I never should have said it like I said it
It'll come to me later like a space invader
And I won't be able to get it out of my head

What if I'd never written the letter
I slipped in the sleeve of the record I gave you?
What if I'd stayed on the C train to Lafayette?
What if we'd never met?
What if I'd only just done what you told me
And never looked back?
What if I'd only ducked away down the hallway
And faded to black?

It was too romantic
It was sad and frantic
A paperback book in a storm drain
It could go number one if I copied anyone
From a melody that I wish I had

It'll come to me later like a space invader
I won't be able to get it out of my head

Quarter after four in the morning
My heart's software gore
Quarter after four in the morning
My heart's software gore
Quarter after four in the morning
My heart's software gore
Quarter after four in the morning
My heart's software gore

Why'd I leave it like that?
Why'd I leave it like that?

Why'd I leave it like that?

Quarter after four in the morning
My heart's software gore
Quarter after four in the morning
My heart's software gore
Quarter after four in the morning
My heart's software gore
Why'd I leave it like that?

#

12

Bending Hectic

The Smile

Liner Notes:

There are singer-songwriters in abundance these days (and on these favorites). But there are very few experimental/progressive rock bands that actually "rock" (as cliché as that may sound).

The Smile, which is Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead + Tom Skinner (drums), is undoubtedly one of these bands. And this song, is undoubtedly one of these songs.

Don't be scared by the song's length. Every second is worth it.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

The ground is coming for me now
We've gone over the edge
If you've got something to say
Say it now

All lyrics:

I'm changing down the gears
I'm slamming on the brakes
A vintage soft top
From the sixties

We're coming to a bend now
Skidding 'round the hairpin
A sheer drop down
The Italian mountainside

Time is kind of frozen
As you're gazing at the view
And I swear I'm seeing double

No one's gonna bring me down, no
No way and no how
I'm letting go of the wheel

'Cause it might be as well
It might be as well

I've got these slings
I've got these arrows
I'll force myself to
I've got these slings
I've got these arrows
I'll force myself to turn, turn

The ground is coming for me now
We've gone over the edge
If you've got something to say
Say it now

No one's gonna bring me down, no
No way and no how
I'm letting go
Of the wheel

Despite these slings
Despite these arrows
I'll force myself to
Despite these slings
Despite these arrows
I'll force myself to turn
Turn

Turn
Turn
Turn
Turn

#

13

Cool About It

boygenius

Liner Notes:

This trio that have all been equally represented on the favorites over the last 8 years (starting with Julien Baker's "Everybody Does" release in 2015... which actually would have fit perfectly on this particular playlist now that I think about it). And if you've been even a little bit of attention to the media (i.e. cover of Rolling Stone), you'll know they have pushed well beyond the underground alt-indie songwriters they once were.

While many will likely throw various projected insecurities their way as a result of their "mainstream acceptance" (update: speaking of, I just learned of their grammy win), I want to continue to recognize their talent, creativity, and maybe most importantly these days... their play. I've seen some combination of this trio a half-dozen times and if one this is obvious, they're loving life.

And if I'm to take any cues from their journey — embracing the essence of self reflecting, introspective, sometimes sad, music to get there... well, I'm in.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Once, I took your medication to know what it's like
And now I have to act like I can't read your mind
I ask you how you're doing and I let you lie

But we don't have to talk about it
I can walk you home and practice method acting

All lyrics:

Met you at the dive bar to go shoot some pool
And make fun of the cowboys with the neck tattoos
Ask you easy questions about work and school

I'm trying to be cool about it
Feelin' like an absolute fool about it
Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it
Tellin' myself I can always do without it
Knowin' that it probably isn't true

I came prepared for absolution, if you'd only ask
So I take some offense when you say, "No regrets"
I remember it's impossible to pass your test

But I'm trying to forget about it
Feelin' like I'm breaking a sweat about it
Wishin' you would kindly get out of my head about it
Tellin' myself one day I'll forget about it
Knowin' that it probably isn't true

Once, I took your medication to know what it's like
And now I have to act like I can't read your mind
I ask you how you're doing and I let you lie

But we don't have to talk about it
I can walk you home and practice method acting
I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning
Tellin' you it's nice to see how good you're doing
Even though we know it isn't true

#

14

pennies (voice memo)

Tiny Habits

Liner Notes:

If you didn't know, voice memos are "in".

And according to "pennies", relationships are "out".

FAVORITE LYRIC:

A torn up sweater
Hung in my closet
A memory of a shitty time

All lyrics:

I’m just a sweater
Hung in your closet
Forget about me
‘Till you get cold

A candy wrapper
Lost in your pocket
Something forgotten
And it's getting old

Why is it all on your terms it hurts me
Making me think I’m worth less than pennies
You remember my name when you're lonely
Starting to realize to you I’m only

Handwritten letters
You don't care to read
Rip open the card
And take the money

You take advantage
Of every part of me
Break my heart
And drain my batteries

Why is it all on your terms it hurts me
Making me think I’m worth less than pennies
You remember my name when you're lonely
Starting to realize that this is

(Oh )Worthless than pennies

(Oh) Starting to realize that this is only

Something I care too much about
Finally having second doubts
Have you ever wanted me around
When you weren't bored drunk or lonely

You really meant something to me
Now looking back I can't believe
I ever thought that this could be
Something more than only

A torn up sweater
Hung in my closet
A memory of a shitty time

A candy wrapper
Lost in my pocket
You've been forgotten

You were never mine

#

15

End Of The World

Searows

Liner Notes:

Upon first listen, "End of the World" sounds like it could be another Phoebe Bridgers side project, but Searows is the stage name of emerging artist Alec Duckart of the Pacific Northwest.

Alec acknowledges his parent's musical influence on him at an early age — introducing him to indie artists such as "Sufjan Stevens, Bon Iver, and Iron & Wine" throughout his childhood (you're welcome kids).

And whether it be his parents, the various musical influences, or Portland just keeping Portland "weird" — Alec, at age 23, is undoubtedly tapping into an emotional depth that most don't see for decades to come.

Personally, my appreciation for the younger generation(s) insight only grew this fall after spending some extended time with Grace (also 23) and her girlfriend Jenny in Dublin, Ireland — where they both live. Grace and I went on long walks around the city and I felt like I was continually taken back upon the realization that my own daughter's perspective and insight was beyond what I could see and understand myself.

Here's to the "End of the World" kind of days.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

And it's a damn shame, you're good at winning
And I can't handle when the fight runs out
When it's a chapter from the beginning
Crashing a boat into the front of your house
I know you don't like the sound

All lyrics:

I'm at the end of the world
Out of asking, out of patience
You know enough of the words
I was angry, you're forgiven

And does it get too hard
Bein' a good person every day of your life?
Does it get boring
Making a living out of the things you like?

Without the rain, you're in a bad mood
Or was it lightning? Or is it the wrong shoes?
And it's okay, I'm grateful to you
For letting me lose

I ran away to the Golden State
Just to see if I could get back home
I know it's not what you thought I'd say
I'm hardly brave, I know
What-a you say to a brand-new ghost

I saw the end of the world last night
I ran to you
I say your name in the warmest way
I look for you when I do

#

16

Bug Like an Angel

Mitski

Liner Notes:

Mitski is no stranger to the annual favorites. And this year, it was between this track and her Lana Del Ray-esque track "My Love Mine All Mine", but I couldn't resist the composition of this one ("Bug Like an Angel").

In particular, the decision to pair the patient verses with the "angelic" swell in the chorus leaves... well, you decide.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Did you go and make promises you can't keep?
Well, when ya break them, they break you right back

Amateur mistake
You can take it from me

They break you right back
Break you right back

All lyrics:

There's a bug like an angel stuck to the bottom
Of my glass, with a little bit left
As I got older, I learned I'm a drinker
Sometimes a drink feels like family

Family

Hey, what's the matter? Lookin' like your sticker
Is stuck on a floor somewhere
Did you go and make promises you can't keep?
Well, when ya break them, they break you right back

Amateur mistake
You can take it from me

They break you right back
Break you right back

Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh-ooh

When I'm bent over, wishin' it was over
Makin' all variety of vows I'll never keep
I try to remember the wrath of the devil
Was also given him by God

Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh

#

17

Boys Of Faith (feat. Bon Iver)

Zach Bryan, Bon Iver

Liner Notes:

As many of you know, I don't do "country". It's been a hard no in our house since day 1. I was informed Zach Bryan "does" country. Or, at least, he used to. While you can certainly still "hear it" lingering midst the doubled vocals, Bryan apparently made a decision to break beyond the genre on this album.

Of course, it doesn't hurt that he brought along king-of-indie-collabs Bon Iver / Justin Vernon on this track.

Here's to the numerous guys out there that have stepped in for support this year. I am forever grateful.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

But you stuck around when I was down
And I'll owe you all my days
Them boys of faith
Them boys of faith

High tide, it's been risin' up
I've been gettin' up with some boys I used to know
We're tryin' to get our pockets up
This year has just been movin' fuckin' slow

All lyrics:

High tide, it's been risin' up
I've been gettin' up with some boys I used to know
We're tryin' to get our pockets up
This year has just been movin' fuckin' slow

You were comin' out to Pineville, it was freezin' cold
I'm gettin' old by the day
You said it gave your heart somethin' to believe in
'Cause boys like us fade away

But you stuck around when I was down
And I'll owe you all my days
Them boys of faith
Them boys of faith

High tide, it's been risin' up
I've been gettin' up with some boys I used to know
We're tryin' to get our pockets up
This year has just been movin' fuckin' slow

You were takin' photos of me in Kentucky
Sayin' we were lucky for the light
Who've thought those things would find a billboard
Way out in New York at night

Thinkin' of the times that you didn't bat an eye
All those of times have shaped
Them boys of faith
Them boys of faith

High tide, it's been risin' up
I've been gettin' up with some boys I used to know
We're tryin' to get our pockets up
This year has just been movin' fuckin' slow

#

18

hazelton

Justin Vernon

Liner Notes:

Speaking of Bon Iver...

No, this is not "Holocene", but the beginning is damn close. This is not a coincidence. Rather, it is because "hazelton" was actually the precursor to Bon Iver's later work. Initially recorded between 2005 and 2006, "Hazelton" was first released on the album hazeltons, which was limited to just 100 handmade, hand-numbered CD-Rs. This track showcases Vernon's exploration of themes and musical styles that would later become central to Bon Iver's identity, particularly in the transition of "Hazelton" into the highly acclaimed "Holocene".

"Hazelton" and another track, "Liner," were recently shared by Vernon as part of the lead-up to the release of Epoch, a comprehensive box set that chronicles the journey of DeYarmond Edison, the band Vernon was part of before Bon Iver. This box set aims to document the musical and personal evolution of its members through an extensive collection.

This track is a small glimpse into the formative years of Vernon's career.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Saddle up, we're calling up the pain
Stilling doubt to single out the strain

You came, you saw, you sawed her brain
You cut out all the parts that held your stain

Still inclined, you're billing wine the blame
She's crying now, you're climbing down your claim
Sitting up, you've counting up your names
Is sin enough to bend 'em off the frame?

All lyrics:

Saddle up, we're calling up the pain
Stilling doubt to single out the strain

You came, you saw, you sawed her brain
You cut out all the parts that held your stain

Still inclined, you're billing wine the blame
She's crying now, you're climbing down your claim
Sitting up, you've counting up your names
Is sin enough to bend 'em off the frame?

You came, you saw, you sawed her brain
You cut out all the parts that held your stain
You clipped, you clawed, to no applause (weigh above)
You lost the will and bought the lye and gauze (weigh apart)

So tried to be somebody
So tried to be somebody (so fly to flee)
So tried to be somebody (so long and leave)
So hard to be somebody
So tried to be somebody (run, you wreck, and then you run) (you wreck, and then you run)
So far to feel somebody (you wreck, and then you run) (you wreck, and then you run)
So tried to be somebody (you wreck, and then you run) (you wreck, and then you run)
So hard to be somebody (you wreck, and then you run)(you wreck, and then you)

#

19

Wasted (feat. Phoebe Bridgers)

Rob Moose, Phoebe Bridgers

Liner Notes:

This is the second (of two) Moose collaborations in this years collection. This one is reminiscent of Phoebe and Andrew Bird's collab last year — and yet distinctively poignant in its own right.

And while I'm attempting to not see anything as "wasted" these days, I'm continuously reflecting on whether I'm "wasting..."

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Used to want to make anyone feel something
Before I knew what's embarrassing

Now I'm wasted
Wasting all of my breath
Wasted again

All lyrics:

I'm staying north the sunset
Looking for a place to live
Have another drink to cloud my mind in my judgement
I don't wanna go out
Unless I find a pick-me-up
I was playing this bar a couple of times a month

Used to want to make anyone feel something
Before I knew what's embarrassing

Now I'm wasted
Wasting all of my breath
Wasted again

Standing in a parking lot
In the glow of a righted sign
Everyone I know is staying in tonight
And I've been here before
Screaming at a cellphone
Seems like a couple of months went by but it's years ago

I used to have the energy to get mad
Used to know how to say sorry
But now I'm back with none of that

And I'm wasted
Wasting all of my breath
Wasted again

Can't you feel it though?
Wheeled into a hospital, it's raw
It cuts right to the bone
I can't feel it now
I'd be full of Benadryl, it's soft
We'll see you in the morning

My friends are turning thirty
Playing down at the Silver Lake Lounge
I made that joke ten years ago, now it's going down
Going down, yeah, it's going down
Going down, yeah, it's going down
Going down, yeah, it's going down
Going down

I'm wasted
Wasting all of my breath
Wasted
I'm wasted
I'm wasting all I have left
Wasted, oh, no, again

#

20

Love Who We Are Meant To

Feist

Liner Notes:

Feist once-upon-a-time did that iPod commercial. Now, she does (sad) lounge — quite beautifully I must say.

I have been captivated by the idea that "denial" is also romantic.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

So will I let it wreck me
Or wreck my dream of family?
Even denial is romantic
And that's romance's disadvantage
That sometimes we don't get to
Love who we are meant to

All lyrics:

Make it up as I go
That's all I can do when
Haven't got a clue when
I'll see you again

And when that day comes
And all I shouldn't say runs
Out before I stop it
'Cause I felt it as I thought it

We will struggle with the truth
That sometimes we don't get to
Love who we are meant to
Love who we are meant to

Drafting as I drift
I cannot write nor reckon it
So will I let it wreck me
Or wreck my dream of family?
Even denial is romantic
And that's romance's disadvantage
That sometimes we don't get to
Love who we are meant to

Well, maybe that you're a real man
Is what is in the way
'Cause the idea of the man I love
He's always loved me in his lonely way
What I can feel from my ideal love
Is also love
In a lonely way

‍

#

21

no fun/party

Kara Jackson

Liner Notes:

Local artist alert! Kara Jackson stems from Oak Park, where she began her career as a poet (becoming Chicago's Youth Poet Laureate and National Youth Poet Laureate). There was a debate between this track and Jackson's "Dickhead Blues" off of her "Why Does the Earth Give Us People to Love?" album, but this one seemed to incapsulate the space and vibe.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

So you've cried every night in your bed
So the plans worked better in your head
So the knife is your date for the night
And the pill is your thrill for a while

You'll miss out
You'll never wear those clothes out
You'll regret
The parties you've painted in bed

All lyrics:

It's hard to have patience when you're waiting on luck
Like a postal truck, like a postal truck
To bring you a love as tough as elephant tusks
No chance of rust, no chance of rust

When searching for a reason, he could only find one
He said you're just no fun, you're just no fun
If seeing you naked wasn't such a bargain
It would be a home run, it'd be a home run

I think I'm taken for granted
Every person that I've dated
Tells me I'm intimidating
Like a snake that's busy preying

I wanna be as dangerous as a dancing dragon
Or a steam engine, a loaded gun
Be loved for my hazard and a will to destruct
And isn't that just love, a will to destruct

Isn't that just love?
When you're no fun?
Isn't that just love?

So you've cried every night in your bed
So the plans worked better in your head
So the knife is your date for the night
And the pill is your thrill for a while

You'll miss out
You'll never wear those clothes out
You'll regret
The parties you've painted in bed

Don't feel sorry for showing up tardy
Don't be sorry for missing a party
'Cause somebody's party is missing you too

‍

#

22

Famous Last Words (An Ode to Eaters)

1017 ALYX 9SM, Ethel Cain

Liner Notes:

No, 1017 ALYX 9SM is not a radio station. It's the moniker of fashion-brand and creative director Matthew M. Williams (born in Evanston by the way for those from Chicagoland). This track, by Ethel Cain, is here, in part for its content, but also because I'm a smidge jealous that Williams figured out how to "play musician" by simply curating songs.

Um... is this not what I've been doing for 20 years?

‍

FAVORITE LYRIC:

Look at me baby, dead in my eyes
It's the end of our holiday, but it isn't goodbye
Carry me with you all of the time
Eat of me baby, skin to the bone
Body on body, until I'm all gone
But I'm with you, inside

All lyrics:

My lips are still burnt from kissing your face
And feverish forehead the blood that you waste
I'm tired of this, watching it wash out of you
I beg you to stay just 'til tomorrow
I'll clean up the bathtub and we'll leave the state
Mouth open, silent and blue
And in the heat, it searched for you
You were the one I'd have starved with
'Til I can't hold out no more
You were the one I'd come looking for
Over and over and over again

#

23

None Of Us Have But A Little While

Lonnie Holley and Sharon Van Etten

Liner Notes:

I'll assume you are familiar with Sharon Van Etten. But if you're not familiar with Lonnie Holley (who is 73 years of age), he's worth the deep dive. Foremost, Lonnie is a visual artist who only "recently" immersed himself into the independent music scene. And yet with only 7-ish years of music production added to his prolific creative career, his output is not only impressive — but quite respected amongst fans and critics alike.

Listen up.

FAVORITE LYRIC:

But humans I want to tell you
We all don’t have but a little while
But a little while
To get somewhere

All lyrics:

None of us have
None of us have
None of us have
But a little while

None of us have
None of us have
None of us have
None of us have but a little while

Throughout our years of working
Throughout all our eras
We all’ve been struggling
To get somewhere
But humans I want to tell you
We all don’t have but a little while
But a little while

To get somewhere
We all struggle
Along the way
The definition of gone
The definition of gone
Is when we look around for our friends
And they are not here any longer with us

But none of us have
None of us have
None of us have but a little while
A little while

None of us have but a little while
None of us have but a little while
None of us have but a little while
For us to be gone
None of us have

#

24

Shit Talk

Sufjan Stevens

Liner Notes:

I originally had the opening track of this playlist, "Will Anyone Ever Love Me?", and this one (it's companion piece) flipped as the opener/closer. But once I listened to the playlist in its entirety, I realized that this was truly the perfect place to close our last chapter.

Here, there is a sense of surrender. A sense of responsibility. And an acknowledgement that love actually has no ending.

‍

The End.

‍

FAVORITE LYRIC:

No more fighting
No more talking shit
Do as I say not as I give up
Not as I've failed to live
In the future there will be
A terrible cost
For all that we've left undone
Deliver me from everything
I've put off
And all that we've lost
I will always love you
But I cannot live with you

All lyrics:

No more fighting
I've nothing left to give
I've nothing but atrophy
Did I cross you?
Did I fail to believe
In positive thoughts?
Our romantic second chance is dead
I buried it with the hatchet
Quit your antics
Put them at the foot of the bed
And set it on fire
I will always love you
But I cannot look at you

Hold me closely
Hold me tightly lest I fall
Hold me closely
Hold me tightly lest I fall
Hold me closely
Hold me tightly lest I fall
Hold me closely
Hold me tightly lest I fall
No, I don't wanna fight at all
No, I don't wanna fight at all
No, I don't wanna fight at all
No, I don't wanna fight at all

No, I don't wanna fight at all
I don't wanna fight at all
No, I don't wanna fight at all
I don't wanna fight at all
No, I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all
No, I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all
No, I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)

I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all (I don't wanna fight at all)
I don't wanna fight at all